INSIDE MY HEAD

Agnostic

2010-06-29T10:38:00.002-05:00

Okay, I just got so excited by the Internet that I had to write a blog post for the first time in nearly 6 months. This article on Slate about agnosticism makes me happy, because it articulates what I have long felt about my (non) religious beliefs. And it defends as honorable the answer "I don't know" to all those large questions about god and creation and the meaning of life and whatnot.

I think it can be somewhat difficult to be in a "do-good" profession without religious conviction. At a recent social work conference, we had a sung invocation before our meal. It didn't mention Jesus direction, but the phrase "daily bread" was repeated, so it got its Christianity across. I happened to be sitting with a Jewish woman who was well and truly offended by the song. But beyond that woman, the Christian song seemed quite accepted and enjoyed. In a corporate environment, I doubt such a thing would happen. But because my job is essentially in service to others, there is an assumption that I, along with all other social workers, have a religious calling of some sort. And many social workers do; many are Christian in the true act-like-Christ sense. But there are those of us who are brought into the field for different reasons.

It's hard for some people to conceive of someone who wants to help others as a career as being non-religious. It does not seem to make sense. I'm not trying to sound all unselfish and wonderful, because that is not the case. My job is a job, not a vocation. If I get burned out, I will find another job and my sense of self will not be diminished. The reason I do this job is because I can. I can listen to stories of trauma and pain and depression and anger and anxiety and hurt. I can listen, I can try to find some insight and support, and I can still go home and enjoy dinner 9 nights out of 10. And since I can do this job, and since there is a need for this job, and since not many people can do this job, then I feel it is my job to do. Religion just does not enter into it.

I've been an agnostic since at least 8th grade. I remember preparing for Confirmation and wondering if there was any way to gracefully back out of it. I didn't actually believe that stuff, but I was a good kid and good kids went through Confirmation. I used to pray for faith, and I never found it. I even had a religion teacher tell me that I was just not praying hard enough. I don't think any amount of prayer would make me believe. That certainty is not in me. These issues of divinity are too big for me to ever be sure of an answer. They are too important for me to lie about to myself. So when someone asks, I tell the truth. I don't know. And I'm okay with that.

Winter Wonderland

2010-01-03T14:34:00.002-06:00

I had the most nearly perfect winter break this year. (nearly due to the cold that plagued me during the first week.) I went home to St. Louis with Rib and we lounged and ate cookies and drank tea and watched tv and slept. My favorite parts of the holiday--the nibbly Christmas Eve, the family Christmas morning brunch--they were there, albeit populated with less people. Then we drove back (with my new sewing machine!)

The second week was just as lovely. Rib and I went outlet mall shopping and played skee-ball and won prizes. We bought lots of stuff on sale and giggled and didn't get crazy mall claustrophobia, even though we were there for like five hours. Truly a miracle. On New Year's Eve, we changed plans at the last minute, but ended up eating a delicious four course meal, getting our desserts just after the champagne toast. We got dressed up and the restaurant was walking distance and had a three piece jazz band and all was beautiful.

Of course, I didn't finish everything I had hoped to, but that's okay. I got most of it done, and all of the essential stuff. The real world will hit again tomorrow and I'm not quite ready. But I will have the memory of these tranquil and tasty two weeks to keep me going.

2009-12-08T18:26:00.002-06:00

I am totally tanking on my 15 before 30 list. I have only ONE thing crossed off. Only one. That's just sad. I guess I could technically cross off one more thing, so that's two. I have seven months. I don't think I'm gonna make it. Work is just so--work. And the day to day stuff seems to take up so much time. Although really, that's crap. I know that if I made up my mind, it could happen. I could find time. I just keep telling myself that I need to relax. And relaxing is a brain draining television session. (Well, not entirely brain-draining, since the Daily Show makes an appearance...) I'm throwing a lot of energy at work, and it just doesn't feel like there's that much left over. I can't even decide if I like my job or not. Do I want to eventually leave school social work and go to clinical work? Do I want to stay with my current employer or go to another school system? Do I want to stay in Chicago where it snow and freezes and all that, or move to someplace warm and sunny and green?

I do not know. But I do realize that looking at the list and counting the failures is raising my anxiety levels, so I'm going to stop now.

Alpaca Farmer

2009-11-10T18:25:00.002-06:00

Today was one of those days when I don't eat lunch, and come home dreaming of chucking it all to become an alpaca farmer, a la Lily Tomlin on West Wing. I knew trying to do two groups in one day, and leaving only one free period was risky, but I figured I could handle it, given that I get tomorrow off for Veteran's Day. Turns out, now I REALLY need Veteran's Day.

Ah well. Some days you are windshield, some days you are the fly, and some days you are an imaginary alpaca farmer.

I don't really have more news, other than I've been on a Dixie Chicks listening spree, I'm going to antique stores tomorrow, and I still miss Jake the dog. Hopefully, with this day off Wednesday, the rest of the week will fly by.

Grief

2009-10-24T17:47:00.003-05:00

So we took Jake to his last vet visit today. It was time. He couldn't get up on his own since yesterday, and he was clearly in pain. We did the right thing. I have to keep reminding myself of that, because it's the only thing that keeps me together.

I wasn't prepared for how fast it would go once we got to the vet. In the room in a minute, waiting for the vet and feeding him treats for a couple of minutes, then the vet comes in, then he's gone. Just on his side on the floor, gone.

Lots of tears around these parts. Every time I think about him, or walk past his food bowl, or see the shelf of dog treats, or the clumps of his fur on the rug, I cry. I want to sleep, but I know I need to sleep at night, so I'm staying awake.

Jake was such a good dog. I mean, every dog is a good dog is some way, but Jake was just so exceptionally good. He was mellow and friendly and a big lug of cute. I wasn't sure if he counted me as one of his people until this spring. Rib and Jake and I were walking and ran into a neighbor with two other dogs. One of the dogs came up to me to play, and Jake thought the dog was being threatening. He barked at the dog, and came up between us, clearly protecting me, and clearly marking me as one of his people. I knew then that he was not just Rib's dog, but our dog. And now he's gone.

There is a lot of extra space in the apartment today. A lot of quiet that used to have dog snoring, or the sound of paws on the hardwood as he ran in his sleep. We miss him. We will continue to miss him. We will not forget him.

Good Choice

2009-10-18T20:17:00.002-05:00

So earlier today I started a post about something, I don't remember what, but really it was about procrastination, because that's what I was doing. Well, that and fluffing my hair. Instead of posting, I finished my chores and now I'm drinking wine and playing stupid computer games. Good for me!

Unrelated thoughts about my life since my last post: Thank god for the cavalry (in the form of one women, two days a week) that has come to rescue me at work. My niece is incredibly cute and it was totally worth it trying to buy her love with a large stuffed monkey. It's incredible how nice a weekend at home can be, even when it involves cleaning the bathroom. Taking care of myself really is the key to getting things done at work. I don't have to try so hard to over-achieve to still be good at what I do.

Life is good. Although that might be the wine talking.

Buckle Up

2009-10-05T20:59:00.002-05:00

It's gonna be a bumpy school year. I felt guilty when I got home at 7pm tonight, after working from 7:30-3:30, and attending continuing ed from 4:30-6:30. Why would I feel guilty? Because I have more work to do. I'm not ready for a meeting tomorrow yet. And instead of getting it done tonight, I had a drink, ate dinner, and watched some tv.

Theoretically, I have an open period tomorrow before the meeting to finish getting ready. Of course, theoretically, I had a free period today to write it--oh, and I had also had a lunch period. Neither of those worked out too well. Turns out I'm just too darn popular. I had my turkey sandwich out on my desk and was munching away when three students came into my office at once. With unrelated concerns.

Also, Jake the dog is getting to a crossroads. His tumors on his leg are too big to be supported by the splint without giving him sore spots on his skin. He keeps licking the splint because the skin underneath hurts, but without the splint, the chances of him breaking his leg increase. Oh, and he has a weird bump on his head that is unexplained, but doesn't seem to hurt him.

Writing all of this, I realize that I'm just really darn tired. I'm not as bleak as I sound, but I do need some sleep.

Off to the cozy bed with me! Goodnight!

The Next Day

2009-09-26T10:37:00.003-05:00

My work all day training meeting made me hostile yesterday. So hostile that I had two ladies on either side of my telling me that it would be okay, and that everyone has bad days. I went home and cried a little bit, then put on a dress and went out with Rib for an ultra giant margarita. It was good, as was the mole sauce, which I didn't expect. I mean, the place is known for giant margarita's (strong giant margaritas, even) so there food doesn't have to be that stellar. But it really was. It was also funny, because after I ordered the mole sauce, the waitress brought me some to try "in case I don't like it." I think I looked too white to appreciate mole. (Of course, the neighborhood the restaurant is in caters to white hipster fools, so I bet she's heard complaints before.)

But now the time of margaritas has passed, and it is Saturday morning, and I am faced with a long list of things to do around the house and things to do for work. I'm drinking my coffee, sitting at my desk, and wishing I could crawl under the covers and go back to sleep. I shall prevail, however. Another cup of coffee, and opening all the blinds to get what small amount of sun this gray day can provide should get me going. (That sentence was convoluted-- I do need more coffee.)

I can only do what I can with the tools I have at hand. It will all work out in the end, even if it doesn't. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

The Wave

2009-09-23T16:53:00.002-05:00

So this is a little Seinfeld, but I really find that traffic manners dictate how I feel at the end of my commute. If you are an asshole driver who stays in the lane that is clearly ending until the very last second, I will not want to let you in my lane. I might be forced to, however, and I once read that it really does help overall traffic flow to let you in. But I won't like it. Unless--unless you wave your thanks at me. If you wave your thanks at me, I will be instantly happy. All will be forgiven.

Generally, if I brake to let you in, either to change lanes, or to turn, or whatever, you need to wave. If you do not wave, I will say (out loud, alone in my car) "Hey Volvo! You suck, mannerless Volvo bastard!" But if you wave, I will say "You're welcome, nice car!"

The more "you're welcome"s I say, the happier I arrive home.

Dork

2009-09-19T10:41:00.002-05:00

I was very excited to wear a t-shirt and jeans to work Friday. No pants problems with jeans!

I am equally excited to put up a poster about anger in my office. Also dorky.

I felt insecure when I woke up this morning, since I had no to-do list, and my life has been absolutely ruled by to-do lists this week. So I wrote one. It includes some essentials as "shower" and "empty dishwasher." Riveting!

Even though it is probably clinically insane of me, I'm thinking about doing nanowrimo again this year. I really don't have much free time, and the last time I did it, I was temping and could write at work. That sure won't happen this year. But I miss writing a bit, and I don't want to give it up. Maybe this year I'll write something I like enough to continue on with. Of course, I have no plot or character ideas whatsoever. But one of the only two things I've ever written to completion was started with no idea of what I was writing, so it's not that bad of a precedent. I have a month to talk myself out of it. We'll see what happens.

I'm describing my job lately as "doing too much for too many with too little," which is about par for the course for my employer. It's just gone up to 11 for me this year. The paperwork has to be PERFECT and my # of clients has skyrocketed. Plus, the clients know me now and are more likely to come stop by, which I like and I want, but it keeps me uber busy. However, I work some some really dedicated and funny people, plus I have my own office space, which is miraculous. And a Danish social worker is coming by to chat with me about American social work practice, which is hysterical and awesome. I hope I don't make it sound like the field is total crap.

Pants Fail

2009-09-16T06:31:00.002-05:00

Remember when I was all excited about all my new pants?

That was a lie. I feel like I'm trapped in Goldilocks and the Three Bears, pants-style. Some too long, some too small, some too big, and none just right. How did I do this to myself?

(Well, the cookies haven't helped the too tight ones...)

Maybe this is good, though. Maybe this pants problem will push me into actually going to the damn gym that is two feet from my house.

Sigh. My self-esteem has taken a blow, and I haven't even finished a cup of coffee yet. I hope the rest of the day does not follow this pattern.

Off Topic

2009-09-04T17:48:00.003-05:00

My head is buzzing like mad with work-related stuff. Start of the school year and all. But I don't write about that in depth here, and besides, it's boring to anyone who doesn't also work where I work.

So instead: Estate Sales! I wandered into one a couple of weeks ago, since it had a well-placed sign. It was fascinating--almost all of someone's life, just there in bits and bobs of furniture and collectibles. You'd think it would feel melancholy to me, since I'm usually so sensitive and whatnot. It wasn't, though. It was a combination of voyeuristic curiosity and bargain-hunting thrill. Plus, the house itself was beautiful, so it had the added real-estate drooling bonus.

Now I'm on the mailing list for the agency that runs the sales, and they have two more this weekend. Since those two are in the suburbs, I'll probably pass. But the city sales--oh my! I saw a dresser at a thrift store recently and really wanted it, but didn't buy it. I have regretted it ever since. Now I am determined to find something I like just as much, which will be difficult since I REALLY liked that dresser. Plus, I really like buying secondhand stuff. Secondhand, old, well-made, stuff, I mean. It's like classy recycling.

Wow, I just realized that this post was probably just as boring as if I had written about work. Sorry!

My Price

2009-09-02T18:26:00.003-05:00

So, to any marketers reading this, I have determined at what price I will buy almost anything. That price is $3. (To be precise, between $2.89 and $3.89.) Somehow, $3 is low enough to be seen as nearly nothing, but high enough to indicate that this product is not junk that is unworthy of being purchased.

I own 9 $3 bottles of nail polish. I have been trying a series of deodorants over the summer, trying to find one I really like for both smell and functionality. Since most are in the magic price range, I think of it as no big thing. I was so excited at Target today because I realized that hand sanitizer in pump bottles is $2.97. I bought 2. When at Staples, I saw that coffee (of a decent quality, even!) was on sale for $3.23. I bought 2. Are you sensing a theme?

If I ever reach a different socio-economic level, I'll know it because suddenly, I'll start buying a lot of $11 items.

Today

2009-08-29T19:56:00.004-05:00

Today I learned I like science less than I dislike children with whistles.

Today I learned that there are grades of plywood made only for Ikea.

Today I learned that buying lemonade is just as good as making it.

Today I learned that I can drive safely even if I can't see out the right side of my car.

Today I learned that nuclear physicists talk very quickly and have weird hair.

Today I learned that there is a German rock song named after me.

That is all.

New Woman

2009-08-28T15:23:00.002-05:00

I accomplished something on my before 30 list (my mother called it my "bucket list" which was somehow depressing--I don't think my life is ending at 30, I'm just trying to motivate myself.) Anyway, I went kayaking on the Chicago River. We were out for about an hour, and had tons of fun. Only a couple of places were as stinky as you might imagine, and those just motivated me to paddle faster. Overall, it felt very calm and serene for being in the middle of the city. There were turtles and birds and fish, and pretty greenery. It was also a learning experience--I did something wrong with my paddling motion and ended up with two angry popped blisters on my thumbs. Now that they don't hurt so much, I look at the spots as a proof that I kayaked. I had been all worried that I would paddle badly and go in circles, or get stuck, but I was fine. The only time I had a problem was in turning around, and even then I got myself un-stuck with no assistance.

Also in my back-to-school frenzy, I bought five pairs of pants, four shirts, two cardigans, and a pair of shoes. Oh, and I got my hair cut. I now have side swept bangs and shoulder length layers. I love my hair guy--I asked him about the bangs, and he got all excited and said "yes!" And he was right, they are quite cute. So I'm getting physically ready to go back to work, but it's going to be mentally challenging to return to my schedule. I've gotten quite used to staying up until 2am and sleeping until 11. I like wearing jeans and playing computer games and going to the beach and taking naps.

I am looking forward to being (hopefully, as far as I know) more settled this year, and more confident. I'll be returning to my continuing education classes and therefore progressing towards my license. And as nice as vacation is, it can't last forever. I wouldn't appreciate it if it did.

Listing

2009-08-17T11:17:00.005-05:00

I'm glad I'm a list-maker. Certain things in my life would never get done without a list. Of course, something simple like "Start a family tree" quickly becomes complex when you realize that doing so involves 1) Gathering documents. 2) Researching programs 3) Getting a program 4) Data entry 5) Realizing how little information you actually have, and how much more you need 5) Researching places to find the rest of the information 6) Finding the information 7) Data entry 8) Repeat steps 5-7 multiple times 9) Learn to publish all the information to a website 10) Publish information to a website and share

I'm on step 5, and have hit a wall due to my reluctance to commit enough time to steps 6 and 7. Plus, the fact that many such websites require you to pay them to do research, and I'm just not ready to subscribe to such a site.

However, what I've started has been fun, and the program I chose, Legacy, is free for the standard model. Once I've got more data, and am ready to think about sharing it with the family, then I can pony up for the "deluxe" version.

Sadly, the other stuff from my life-list that I wanted to do before school got back is weather-dependent. And the weather forecast is for rain nearly every single day between now and September. Boooooo!

Oh wells. At least I'll get all my medical check-ups done. (Physical, dentist and girl doctor done, eye doctor on Thursday!) And I'll make time for back-to-school shopping. I'm also going to try to revive this here blog thing. I'm supposed to be journaling on a regular basis, and I don't think Facebook status updates count. I had a paper journal, and I even bought pretty pens for it, but it turns out I just like typing more than handwriting.

Time Flies

2009-08-15T15:36:00.002-05:00

I'm never more aware of the passage of time than in the last few weeks of summer break. All those things I said I would do...not done. Did I make a family tree? No. Did I learn some Spanish? One phrase. Did I make a scrapbook? No, but I do have a pile of materials! Did I go camping? No. Did I write a short story or a play? No. Did I learn to ride a bike or do a cartwheel or get some exercise? No, no, and not really.

I did, however, have two amazing visits with family--my nephew is a really cool kid, plus I have to say that I quite like this incarnation of my brother as doting father/husband. I also got in tons of leisure, and another summer of camp. Oh, and a birthday party that was simply perfect--great weather, great friends, great food, all near a Great Lake. Plus, I still have two weeks left to do at least one thing on my list.

Also on the theme of time passing: what's with all the kids? Suddenly, every social event I go to is populated by a couple of small people, careening wildly near my ankles. Minnesota gets bigger and bigger by the day, and this last visit to my brother has finally taught me that my siblings are really and truly all parental and shit. When did I get this old? Younger family members are having babies. Younger than me. And I don't feel nearly old enough to be a mother. Craziness.

Thinking about children always makes me nervous and ambivalent. I like my life, you know? Babies are high maintenance and would cut into my nap time for like, at least a decade. That's nuts. But then a few days ago, one of the neighbor's kids, a "nearly nine" year old girl, started chatting up a storm with me. She was reading these juvenile fiction about Greek myths and she was so into it, and so energetic and acting out the books and bouncing about, and I was just charmed. I came inside and Rib just looked at me and shook his head. I told him that if we could have THAT kid, I'd be all for children. Regardless, we gotta work on that whole marriage thing first. Plus, the whole "grown up life" stuff. Which might never happen, seeing as how my biggest preoccupations are the end of summer and back-to-school shopping.

I like birthdays

2009-07-29T18:54:00.002-05:00

Especially when they are mine! See, you get pretty presents, and then you get money, and you get to go shopping! (Excuse my consumerist girl moment.)

Plus your friends all come hang out with you wherever you tell them to. In this case, it was on the lakefront, on a grassy area near the beach. We picnic'ed and played lawn darts and walked on the beach and it was lovely. My friends are excellent. My boyfriend did an especially good job of organizing the event, and I am most grateful.

I have not profound comments or anything. I'm just quite pleased with the whole thing. I think I shall do it again next year!

The Second Stage

2009-07-21T16:24:00.002-05:00

So Jake the dog is dying, and I'm pissed off. See, Jake doesn't know that he's dying, and he was running with another dog and broke his splint. Now we can't find a northside vet who will put a new splint on him without costing a billion dollars for x-rays and an exam. The vet who put the splint on is on the other side of the city, and we like them, but I have to go to classes for my post-grad program for the next three days and can't get there. So I'm so scared that Jake will break his leg, and thus die sooner than he should, because the vets won't cooperate. (For his part, Jake seems happy that he's splint-free, which is why we're not spending the money for the new exam and x-ray. We realize his quality of life is important. I'm still really pissed at the vets, though.)

Plus I'm working with kids who are grieving, and it's more difficult this year, and I'm pretty sure next session we're all going to cry, and they need it, but being the one who is there for the crying sucks, and I have to be professional and not just bawl, and that sucks too. And everything is so complicated for this children, with multiple losses, and poverty, and chaotic family structures, and it just makes me really fucking mad at the world that has all this going on in it.

Finally, there is a baby bird that is also possibly dying in our backyard and we might have to do a mercy killing on a baby bird, and you know what universe? That is ENOUGH. Lay off for a little while. Let me have a good birthday and visit my nephew and see a new city and have some summer sunshine for a little while.

Whew.

Happiness

2009-07-10T10:38:00.002-05:00

I'm really intrigued by this web site: The Happiness Project. The concept of working at happiness is very interesting to me. I never really thought about it, but I guess I would have assumed that happiness was more something based in your personality, or something that happened to you. Not that it was something you could choose to work towards. It's so much nicer to assume that you can choose happiness.

The website has all these steps, with resolutions and commandments and such (all stuff you make yourself) and I don't know that I want to go the whole hog with it. I'm not sure I need all the structure. But some of the phrases and reminders really resonate with me. Like "choose not to care." Fascinating. I know this might sound like I'm slow or whatever, but I've never thought about it that way. I'm usually quite self-conscious (probably because I'm somewhat judgmental) and just thinking that I could choose not to care. Wow. Like, I could go to the gym and choose not to care that the woman on the treadmill next to me is running the whole time while I'm walking and that she stays in the gym longer than me. I could just not care. Not compare myself, not get discouraged, just not care.

The other phrase that's been going through my head (not from the website) is "do for yourself." I feel like I catch moods like they are contagious germs and when the people around me are cranky, I'm cranky. I want them to change so I can change. I'm realizing that's crap. I can do for myself. If someone else is pissy, I can try to help, and if they don't want the help, I can leave them alone and still be happy. I can be cheery (not aggressively, obviously) when others are not. This is SUCH a revelation for me. Which again, makes me sound slow, but considering how much I was at the mercy of the moods of others from 0-18 years old, this is incredible.

This whole growing older thing is scary a bit--I had a panic moment while falling asleep a few weeks ago about turning 29--but there are upsides. I certainly have more perspective on things. And I'm more open to other ideas and other ways of being. And I'm waaay less dramatic and self-important than when I was 19. God, I remember how very serious I was back then. If you had to deal with that, I'm so sorry.

Of course, in 10 years I'll look back and want to apologize to people who knew me when I was 29 for all the craziness I inflicted upon them. But if you stick around, I'll try to keep improving!

Family Time

2009-07-01T12:18:00.004-05:00

What a relaxing, fascinating, and family-filled five days I had. I took the Megabus (on time!) to St. Louis on Thursday. I love the Megabus, mainly for its stopping midpoint "Dixie Trucker's Home" in McLean, IL.

While in St. Louis, I got to see my grandparents in their home. I don't think I've been to their place in years. I kinda love her decorating sense. It's really specifically her, with Asian accessories from their travels and her seashell collection. I did more recording of stories from grandma and grandpa and borrowed all their family history documents to scan and copy. Someday (hopefully soon) I'm going to do something with all of this. They do have some great records from grandpa's family, both his mother and his father's side. Not much from grandma's side of the family, though. The scanning of the records was tedious, but I'm glad I did it.

I also got in a early morning (but still brutally hot) walk at the Botanic Gardens, one of my favorite places in the world. Of course, all my St. Louis food requirements were met: Cecil Whittaker's pizza, Ted Drew's frozen custard, and Gus's pretzels.

My mom's younger brother and his wife were in town, so I got to hang out with them, along with my in-town aunt and uncle. There was even a violin and guitar duet. And my cousin and I went out to dinner and then played with her animals (So cute--her dog is 1,000% times energetic than old-man Jake, which makes me appreciate his mellowness even more)

Most of the time, I stayed at home with mom and dad and read. I just couldn't help grinning, stretched out on the couch while they sat in their chairs, all of us reading quietly. It was companionable and lovely. Just sipping coffee, and discussing what we would (or would not) do that day. I joked that it was an all-expense paid resort vacation, and it really was that relaxing. I so appreciated spending time with them without the pressure of the holidays or large groups of people to organize. Just us, just sitting around, watching Top Gear and being leisurely. I felt like not just their child visiting, but like an old friend spending time. It's so nice to be an adult with my parents, to have time when the baggage of past family stresses aren't relevant.)

I took the train back yesterday. Amtrak was early! Unprecedented! So now I'm back to "normal" life, as much as summer vacation with part-time work can be described as normal. I've been so afraid of being bored that I have about five projects (scrapbooking, my before 30 list, the family history, learning some Spanish, reading up on autism, and the Sims 3). Of course, I won't be able to finish most of them, but that's okay. Nothing is required during the summer, which is the beautiful thing about it.

In unrelated news: I just bought a bunch of music for the first time in a loooong time, and I'm loving the Lily Allen. I am apparently a shameless pop fan. The music is frothy, and the lyrics are very honest and slightly cruel, in an insightful way. Who knew?

Summer

2009-06-07T11:40:00.002-05:00

Now is the most glorious time of the year. School is ending, and the last week of work is nothing but packing, planning for next year, and giving out candy like nobody's business. (It's "celebrating accomplishments" even when the only accomplishment was showing up to class once every couple of days)

I'm trying to keep my summer full enough that I don't get bored, but with stretches of vast beautiful nothingness, otherwise known as beach time. There are all sorts of things I SHOULD do this summer, like learn some Spanish, read up on autism treatment modalities, go meet with social services agencies near my work, and other various and sundry social work professional development. And there are also so many things I WANT to do, like go to dozens of outdoor festivals and fairs, travel to see family, stay up all night and sleep all day, and have drinks with umbrellas in them. Plus there's all the organization projects I leave until summer--clothing purge for Goodwill, going through all my photos, and repainting some walls that are getting ugly.

I have such a pleasant feeling of anticipation and good intentions. Who knows how much of all of this will actually happen, but it's nice to think of the possibilities.

Hell, maybe I'll even take up blogging again!

Spring Broke

2009-04-15T17:53:00.003-05:00

You know what really stinks? Getting a 102 degree fever halfway through spring break. When Mom and Dad visited for Easter, I had to send them to Milwaukee while I took a nap. (Okay, they chose to go to Milwaukee, but I had to send them somewhere, because I felt lousy and needed to snooze).

But I'm back to normal now. I went to the gym today, which marks at least 4 weeks of regular gym visits. Tomorrow I get to talk to auditors who want to make sure that everything on site is all legal and stuff. Seeing as how the last social worker they talked to said some interesting things, I'm sure they'll have questions for me.

Jake the dog is being a weirdo. He keeps making me roll my desk chair away from my desk so he can go flop down in the space under my desk where my feet go. But he's a big dog, so that means there is no room for my feet. He usually only goes under there when Rib and I are cranky, and as far as I can tell, no one is cranky, so I'm not sure what's up.

Okay, I must go because there are absolutely fascinating smells coming from the kitchen and I have a rumbly in the tumbly.

Spring Break

2009-04-05T09:31:00.002-05:00

I don't count yesterday as the start of my spring break, since I had to go to a workshop on "Children of Divorce." Which, in its 4 hours, gave me exactly 2 ideas to use. To be fair, it probably would have given me many more ideas if I worked with a different soci0-economic class of client.

So today is my spring break start. I have 8 days until I go back to work, and 5 days until my parents come in town. And what will I do to kick off my spring break? Make a list. Because I am boring, and lists are the warm blankets of structure that surround me during dangerous free time. I'm not so boring that part of the list isn't going to include "Flop on futon at 1pm on a weekday. Look at clock. Rejoice that you are flopping on the futon at 1pm." And tomorrow (depending on the ticket situation) might include attending a freezing freakin cold Opening Day baseball game.

There are things I want to accomplish, and I know I'll be happier about my week at the end of it if I get something done. So here I go, off to list-make. Wish me luck!

Spring Cleaning

2009-03-21T09:36:00.005-05:00

It's been brought to my attention that this blog has been abandoned. Like, "cobwebs in the corner, tumbleweeds of dust, and a reputation for being haunted by the neighborhood kids" levels of abandoned.

How have I let it go on this long?

Well, if you remember in my last post, I was just about to move to a new site for work. Gone are my cushy 6.25 hour days (god bless the union!). In their place are eight to ten hour days, during which I'm still not finishing everything I want to/need to/should ideally finish. I've got nonstop clients in and out of my office, with crisis after crisis and attention-need after attention-need.

I enjoy and care about each and every one of these kids--fortunately, there isn't a single one that I haven't found likable. But there are just too darn many of them. My caseload--the mandated clients I have to attend meetings for and write treatment plans and see monthly--is at about 75. But the site population is about 2,000. And I am the go-to person for all 2,000 of those people when they have any mental health concerns. Or social concerns. Or family concerns.

So as you can see, it's a little overwhelming. The state guidelines recommend a social worker to population ration of 1:800. Since I have help (sort of--her caseload is about 10) two days a week, our site's ratio is 1.4: 2,000. That shit ain't right.

The non-mental health staff is mainly supportive, but some portions are politically toxic. I've got allies and friends, but I have to be careful about what I say and who I say it to. There are so many things I want to do, but I can't step on toes, plus I barely have time to eat lunch, much less create proactive projects.

I have some ideas for how to make it all more manageable, and I'm reaching out to resources that might be able to help me. I'm committing (in my head) to this site until June 2010. At that point, I take my LCSW exam and can rethink my options. So that's the work update.

The rest of my life is what's holding me together from the work stress. Rib and I went on a fantastic vacation in February to see my grandparents. Beaches, warm weather, fried shrimp, and the best family stories ever told. We're planning on heading down to see them in St. Louis this summer to continue the family history.

I'm taking classes at Loyola for a certificate that will make me look all fancy, resume wise. It's a bit of work, with meetings every other week, monthly conference calls, and weekly online content. I am learning, though, and making connections with colleagues.

Instead of a 101, I have a 15 before 30 (15 things to do before I turn 30 years old) that I'm working on..slowly. I've just restarted gym visits, since a gym opened about a block from my apartment--absolutely no excuses now. My goal is once a week until June, and then I can go exercise outside during my summer vacation. I've purchased yarn to make a baby blanket to donate, but haven't started yet. My mental energy has not been up to learning a new crochet stitch, but I'll get there.

Life with Rib is obnoxiously good. He's in classes for computer stuff, and working a full time job of keeping me sane. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. His family in Texas was a hoot, and 90% in a good way. I got to pet a horse and a cow and have a five year old boyfriend. Last weekend we went down to his mom's on the southside to celebrate the Irish Parade and get sloshed on the street at 11am. Plus, he's gotten me addicted to artichokes served with lemon butter dipping sauce. So there's that.

Okay, so did that make up for the three months of not posting? Probably not. Will I return to semi-regular posting? I dunno. But at least for this moment, you are up to date on the life of the Anne!

Frantic Holidays

2008-12-20T09:48:00.004-06:00

Work has been a roller-coaster. I finally feel settled and like I'm starting to get good at my job. So of course, the powers-that-be are moving me. I'm going from serving three small sites to one really large site. Depending on my mood, I've been describing this as crushing or empowering. I'm not excited to leave the comfort I've come to feel at my current sites. I know everyone, I have a place set, there is a certain routine. Not to mention the bonds I have with my clients, and the difficulty of transitioning them to a new worker. But the move is a vote of confidence in me. My boss thinks I can handle it. And it is a mess.

The last social worker at that site had to get out of Dodge right quick because of some conflicts with other staff. Plus the last worker wasn't so hot at completing paperwork. Whoops. The caseload is about double what I have now, and the site itself has triple the population. Oh, and The Bureaucracy's watchdog agency is coming to look over the site in the spring.

When I reflect too long on the facts in the above paragraph, I start veering from empowering back to crushed. But I remind myself that this is stability and I wanted one full time placement eventually anyway, so here's my chance. And I have a private office with a window and a lovely view, and those things are like gold in my line of work. This is a chance to grow as a social worker, to try new things, to have a more important position. Basically, I'm doing some cognitive restructuring on myself. I love that my education lets me mess with my own head.

The other thing messing with my head (besides me and my shrink) is my upcoming trip to meet Rib's extended family in Texas. All my anxiety is focused on packing right now. What do I wear?! The weather will range from 50's to 70's, according to today's forecast. Other than the actual holidays, I don't know what we are going to do with all that time (seven whole days. I hate packing tons of stuff, so I'm trying to be efficient, but I don't want to wear the same jeans for six days. I realize what I'm doing: trying to be extra controlling over the only thing I actually control. I'm not so good at being zen.

In summary, neurosis out of control up in here lately. Rib is responding like a champ, bless him. And I'm starting to have moments of confidence about the holidays and work. If I can just start to stretch those moments into hours and then days...then I'll be getting somewhere.

Tears of A Blog

2008-12-03T20:33:00.002-06:00

I really have abandoned this blog, haven't I? I used to be quite faithful, all those months ago when I had the 101 going strong, and crazy stories of life as a temp.

But it turns out that getting the job I wanted doesn't make for entertaining writing. Especially with the confidentiality thing. And bitching over and over about systematic incompetence sure gets old fast.

I find that most things are falling by the wayside. I don't watch much tv anymore. I haven't hung out with some of my friends in ages--other than events. I'm sort of in a couple-bubble, where Rib and I do stuff together and I go to work, and that's that. It's cozy, but I need to get out more! I'm gaining weight--all fat and happy. (ack! The line on the scale I dared not cross has been crossed!) I'm feeling sluggish. All my "new" experiences are job related. My energy is low. I sleep a lot.

I need a new hobby, a new craft, a...something.

On a different note, I had an amazing Thanksgiving. It was wonderful to see my family. We went to cute little antique stores and went hiking. We ate and we ate and we ate. (wonder why I'm gaining weight? hmmm.)

I did triumph a little bit tonight--I "ran" for 13 minutes with the wii. That sounds like not much, but I kept up a jog the whole time, and for my lazy butt, doing that for 13 minutes is something to feel good about.

With most posts, I try to end with something pithy or whatnot, but I'm so sluggish and lazy that this sentence will have to suffice as my cop-out. Maybe my new project needs to be sharpening up my writing skills.

On the Outside

2008-11-15T11:45:00.003-06:00

Frivolity, ahoy!

I'm feeling very girly. I think it's the episode of America's Next Top Model I caught last week. I'm getting my hair cut today at a new place, since my old stylist went to become a baker in Michigan. Several inches will end up on the floor, which should be liberating. Plus I just put a whole mess of $25 jewelery on my amazon wishlist so that Rib's family has stuff they can get me that isn't a book about social work and troubled teens. Or penguin emblazoned knick-knacks. (don't ask). Plus plus I've been playing with eye shadow and putting on slightly more makeup. (Of course, it's all shades of pinkish brown or neutral; I don't look like a painted whore, I promise)

I haven't bought any new clothes, because unlike eye shadow, new clothes cost significantly more than $3.99. But I have been obsessed with the idea of a purple cardigan. (Like this one) Online window shopping at Ann Taylor Loft is killing me. They are showing a lot of cute ruffled tops, and now I want a ruffled top. I am so susceptible.

Fortunately, I have limited funds right now, so I could not indulge even if I wanted to. The holidays are coming up, and I am aggressively paying off credit cards and saving for all the travel I want to take. And really, all this consumeristic girly madness is just my way of distracting myself from the stress at work. (Which I am NOT thinking about because it is Saturday, damnit!) Pretty sparkles and eyeliner techniques are way more fun to think about than pychatric services and violent teenagers.

Yes We Did

2008-11-05T16:05:00.005-06:00

I think about Obama on two levels. I respect his policies, his thoughtfulness, his deliberation, his oratorical skills, his ambition, his discipline. In short, I respect the man as an individual like you and me. I'm relieved that he will have the helm, not because I think he's infallible, but because I think he is infinitely better than what we had, and significantly better than what we might have ended up with. That's why I voted for him.

But on the second level, I think about him as a symbol. And this is where I get all misty-eyed. He's a 'corrective emotional experience' for our nation, to use a therapeutic term. (Defined here as re-exposure under favorable circumstances to an emotional situation with which one could not cope in the past).

He's bringing up all the old fears about the injustices and betrayals by our government. Fears about elections being rigged and minority voices being silenced by hate. Fears about divisions and unbreakable barriers of race and class. His campaign gave those with the least trust in government a reason to say "they'll never let him make it." But guess what? He made it. We made it. We took that old narrative about who power belongs to, and we wrote a new ending. An ending where the promise of America means something. The most idealistic, pie-in-the-sky narrative has come true. The biracial son of a single mother is our president. The historically disenfranchised are being brought into the center by a coalition of all kinds of people.

I am just so damn proud today. Proud to be a Chicagoean, a female voter, an engaged citizen, a Democrat. Proud in my mind and proud in my heart. We worked so hard, and we will have to work harder still. But something powerful has happened, and changed the way we look at America. Can we sustain this change? Can we transform it from beyond symbolism into real, day-to-day difference? Say it with me now: Yes We Can!

Tears

2008-10-23T20:30:00.002-05:00

I have just made myself cry twice by listening to Patty Griffin sing. I'm still sniffling. She is good. The song Goodbye from Flaming Red gets me every single time.

In other news, I've been eating way too much and exercising way too little lately. Tight pants = bad news. I've also been pretty tired. I think my body is preparing itself to hibernate. Unfortunately, I still have seven and a half months of work before hibernation can commence. Rib was half joking when he mentioned going tanning to prevent Seasonal Affective Disorder, but the idea sounds better and better the sleepier, lazier, and stupider I feel.

And I'm too lazy to come up with a good closing sentence to this post.

GObama

2008-10-19T19:26:00.003-05:00

This is what Rib and I put in our front window (above my desk) about 30 minutes ago.

About 15 minutes ago, I noticed a strobe light effect coming through the window. I stood up, and lo and behold, our pumpkin was getting photographed. I waved.

Rage Fueled Funding

2008-10-07T17:09:00.002-05:00

Looking at my bank statement, I remembered an expenditure I had forgotten. I donated $50 to the Obama campaign during the vice presidential debate. Sarah Palin made me so mad with her utter disregard for the questions being asked and her fake folksy crap that I opened my wallet and gave money away.

I'm trying--especially in this economy--to be frugal and not spend unnecessary funds. But there might be a repeat donation tonight, cause I have a feeling grumpy old man McCain is gonna piss me off.

October

2008-10-01T16:09:00.002-05:00

It's official. Rib reports that last night, Percy climbed onto his lap to snuggle. The weather has turned, ladies and gentleman. It's fall/winter. My nose is sniffly, and will remain so for the next six months. We are borrowing a drill to put more coat hooks up in the apartment. All sandals are getting stored. I am wearing socks inside at all times. I have put the down comforter on the bed, and my extra blankie on my desk chair.

The sting of all of these realizations has been greatly tempered by the fact that the White Sox are in the playoffs! OH YEAH! And I was at the game when it happened. Double OH YEAH! It was amazing. They asked for a fan "blackout" and the sea of darkness in the stands was awesome to behold. The volume was incredible, and I contributed by screaming until I was coughing. I braved the really tip top seats, about ten rows from the uppermost seats. And if you know me, you know that heights really aren't my thing. I made Rib get up to get me hot chocolate, because going down those stairs wasn't happening more than once. As we got further into the nearly scoreless pitching duel, my vertigo subsided, and my enthusiasm took over.

So yeah, I'm a total sports fan now. Who knew? (I still think American football is for idiots, though)

Happy Days

2008-09-21T15:04:00.004-05:00

The old adage about "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" goes about triple for health issues, I think. I never realize how wonderful my body is until I get sick. Last week was fever, nausea, chills, body aches, and other unhappy symptoms. I took my first sick days from this job. Three days in a row. It's been YEARS since I've had that type of sick. I don't recommend it.

I missed my second yoga class, but I'm going to go back this week. Hopefully, the second time will be less hateful than the first was. At least now I'm prepared. And maybe doing yoga regularly will keep me from getting sick somehow. I dunno.

Work is going well--I'm busy, I'm involved, and hopefully I will start seeing some impact. Although expecting to see my impact is slightly naive, considering I'm fighting 15 years of life that happened before me, and my influence is about an hour a week or less. (God, putting it that way sounds REALLY depressing.) But I'm enjoying my job and feeling useful and professional, and I'm keeping my evenings productive as well.

In general, now that I'm not 100 degrees, life is pretty damn good. I get to go see plays, hang out with my friends and talk about books, buy new sheets (for a new queen sized bed we are getting..for free!), enjoy my work, and cuddle with my sweetie and our animals. So while I don't have much blogging news, it's because I'm content.

And contentment makes for boring blog posting, apparently. Sorry about that.

Anger Managment

2008-09-12T17:39:00.003-05:00

I'm am loving the commentary on Slate about this election season. Especially this piece on Sarah Palin. She makes me almost as rage-filled as practicing yoga.

Wait, what? Apparently, when I am exercising hard, with pain in muscles I didn't know I had, I want to curse, or grunt, or...well, mainly just the cursing. What I do NOT want to do is chant something soothing. Or hear gibberish about "my practice" as if yoga class was religion. My first yoga class physically kicked my ass, and my arms are still sore Friday from Wednesday class. Because it's a good deal (pay-what-you-can) and Minnesota has pledged to go with me, I will go back to the yoga studio of serenity and doom.

My kinetic intelligence is so very low. I can't get choreography, I'm clumsy, and my hand/eye coordination leaves much to be desired. It makes all such activities very frustrating. It also gives me new sympathy for those with learning disabilities. I can understand why so many students with a low tolerance for academics have anger issues.

And in related news, guess what topic I'm going to be working with a lot this year? As long as I don't have to watch the ATROCIOUS Adam Sandler/Jack Nicholson movie again, I'll make it through.

Fall

2008-09-09T15:26:00.003-05:00

Traditionally, I have hated the season of fall. See, fall leads to winter, and winter is so very much my least favorite season that it contaminates fall just by proximity. But today, walking home in a denim jacket in the mid-sixty degree weather, looking at sunbeams in the clear air, I had a revelation.

Fall is not so bad. Fall is pumpkin spices, and loads of pretty warm colors in the trees, and in clothes. It does have a certain pleasant smell to it, and the light seems somewhat different in the mildly chilly air. Fall is also school supplies, and new clothes, and re-discovering all the long sleeved things you love but had forgotten. And late fall is Thanksgiving dinner, which: yum.

Of course, I thought all this on a sunny, warm Chicago day, walking home after a pleasant day at work, looking forward to a cozy night at home. Once the thermometer dips another few degrees, and the leaves are all over the sidewalk, and the rain makes them soggy and slick and smell like decay...I think then I might revert to my previous view of fall as a harbinger of doom.

101 Wrap-Up

2008-09-05T19:03:00.002-05:00

Well, it's over. The 101 days have ended.

My final score? 77/101, for 76.23% complete. Not as good as I wanted, but not so bad, considering.

I have excuses for most of my remaining items. Many of them I was just too poor to complete, such as joining a gym, getting a professional massage, going to the UK, and being a tourist someplace in the US. Others might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but I lost interest in the idea quickly (make pottery, finish writing my Henry James adaptation). And some I was just too lazy (too many to mention).

I'm pretty sure that least two of the items are going to get carried over to another list, since they're still personal goals. Most of the others...I don't feel too much regret about letting them go. The ones that really meant something, like getting people presents and getting a job--those are completed.

And #11 (Go to the museum of Contemporary Art) will always hold a special place in my memory. That was completed on January 16, 2007. That was also the occasion of my first date with Rib. Of course, our second date didn't happen for five months, but it would not have happened at all if we had not hung out and made fun of pencil marks on the wall together on a cold winter day.

Thanks, 101 in 1001. It's been fun!

I'm not dead yet!

2008-09-04T20:50:00.005-05:00

I am apparently just barely holding on to this whole blogging thing. My 101 chugs to a close tomorrow. The final tally will not be as good as I'd hoped. I'm not too tragically upset. I'm planning a follow-up list. Something like "30 before 30," I think. Less items = less frivolous items = higher success rate. I hope. Crossing off to-do list items is one of the greatest joys in my life, after all.

My professional life is going well. The new year is shaping up nicely. I've seen an old client come back and proudly show off his diploma, and met a new client as she was in tears for the third time in as many days. I feel like I'll be productive 4/5 days per week, which is much better than last year. I start my supervision group on Monday, and then my online class will follow. If only my boss would just start answering my emails, I would have nothing to complain about!

Personal life is normal--Anne-style. I crammed in as much summer as I could over Labor Day weekend, and then had a meltdown over nothing in the middle of it. During the meltdown, I wailed "But I'm supposed to be at the beach, damnit!" But one cannot go to the beach when one is crying. That's what I get for pressuring myself to have fun.

Politically, I'm pissed. I'm pissed at the feeling I get that Palin is off limits cause she's a girl, but the very same people scoffed at charges of sexist treatment of Clinton. I'm pissed at her policies, I'm pissed that they are having her do the attacking because it's not so mean if it comes from someone pretty, and I'm pissed at the assumption that one woman in the white house is as good as another. There is a MARKED difference between a pro-choice, liberal senator and the ultra conservative governer of the most remote state in the union. I don't have much cash just now, but I am going to try to travel, possibly to Iowa, to volunteer for Obama.

Oh, and also? Republicans? A big ole' F U for laughing at community organizing. This social worker sure doesn't think that's funny. And the laid off factory workers that Obama tried to help get jobs don't see anything to chuckle about there either.

Productivity, Ahoy!

2008-08-22T16:36:00.002-05:00

I've got a list, and I'm crossing things off. No, sadly, not the 101 list. That one isn't going to get much further before it ends. (I am already planning something along the lines of 30 before 30 or something like that, though).

But I do have a back-to-school list, and that I am getting though. I went outlet mall shopping, and bought four (!!) pairs of pants and a few shirts, and some socks, and some kick-ass cute bronze shoes. Yesterday I organized all my drawers and today I hit up the hanging clothes in the closet. I've got a big ole' Goodwill bag and I feel confident that I will not have a day where I wail "I have nothing to wear to work!"--unless I get lazy about laundry, of course.

I'm working very hard to cut down on how much crap I carry to work every day. Oh--I found out where I am working! Three sites, down from four sites last year. Two of them are repeats I requested, and the third is so close I can walk to work. So I'm a happy girl. It's not the best case scenario of only one site, but I will be the only social worker for each of these sites, which is excellent.

So I've been to Staples, and bought a smaller accordion file, and 1/2 inch binders, and they will both fit in my backpack. All client files will stay at the school, dang it! So now I just need to figure out a way to carry my water bottle and lunch in a purse, and I will have so much less bulk than last year.

I'm feeling optimistic about heading back to work, which is not something I expected to feel. Maybe this will work out after all?

Home Stretch!

2008-08-11T12:42:00.002-05:00

So much to do, so little time to do it. My 101 list is wrapping up, as is my summer. I'm prepping for the fall, even though I still don't know where I'm working. The Olympics are in full swing, and boy do I love the Olympics. Especially the summer ones. I'm listening to the sound of a water polo match as I type--very exciting, even though I know next to nothing about the sport. I'm taking Russia's attack on Georgia very personally considering there is supposed to be an OLYMPIC TRUCE right now, bitches. And nice try, John Edwards, burying your affair story during this thrilling international competition. Too bad the world can hold more than one news story in their head at a time.

Of course, my head is full of the Olympics. Michael Phelps! Dana Torres! The cute little gymnasts! Oh--the US women's water polo beat China 12-11. China almost had a stunning upset in their debut water polo appearance. Whooo! I am somehow way more patriotic during the Olympics than the 4th of July. I can't wait for the diving to start--I love the diving. And the gymnastics vaults--my favorite apparatus .

I'm sad my summer is ending, but an Olympic frenzy is a great end to a wonderful summer.

What I've Done on My Summer Vacation

2008-08-06T10:20:00.002-05:00

I obviously haven't posted much. I've been too busy alternating between utter relaxation and blind panic. There were two major events--Minnesota and ChoirBoy got married!--my nephew got baptized!--and these kept me hoppin' in July. Just sorting through the photos from those events has been a major task. Plus, I worked at the summer camp again this year (3rd year club!) and that kept me busy--wrangling four 7-9 year olds into something resembling theraputic activity is harder than I remembered.

I still don't know what location of The Bureaucracy I'll be working at in a few weeks. (A few weeks! Where did the summer go?!) That accounts for much of the blind panic.

My 101 list ends September 5, and I'm brainstorming ways to get just a few more crossed off before the deadline. I'd like to make it to over 75% complete, without too much cheating.

My summer will end with a bang--the Olympics are coming, the Olympics are coming! I love love love watching them. And then back to work--somewhere.

I'm going to try to pick the blogging habit back up, because I want this record for myself. I want memories of my fun days, and to learn from my not-so-fun days. Plus, it keeps my writing muscles in check, so when I decide to write the Great American Novel, I'll be ready. (Ha!)

New Crush

2008-08-02T19:24:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, I haven't written in a while.

But I have to share.

Sarah Haskins is this lady who is on a Daily Show type show and she does a segment called Target Women. And now I have a girl crush on her.

Check it out.

Starve

2008-07-23T17:07:00.002-05:00

There is no food in the house. So I decided to call someone to bring me food. Took me for-ever to decide what to order. I call and, lo and behold, that item is no longer on the menu. Sigh. I choose a different establishment. Take another 20 minutes to make up my mind. Call. Guess what? That item is no longer on the menu.

I shall just have to starve. (And weed my menus.)

MARRIED

2008-07-20T11:41:00.001-05:00

Not me, of course.

Minnesota and ChoirBoy are hitched. I was successfully the slutty bridesmaid and a good time was had by all. But now I need to eat a shit ton of breakfast to ease the hangover. Like I said, a good time was had.

Lions and Tigers and Weddings, Oh My!

2008-07-10T10:24:00.002-05:00

So Minnesota and Choir Boy are getting married. And I'm working at the awesomest summer camp of awesome. And suddenly--all that leisurely summer free time? GONE. Gah. Happy events like wedding and christening and awesome fun times with kids are ruining my sloth!

I only had just enough time to say that. Now I have to get on the train for fun times with my Super Heroes (the name of my small group of campers).

Someone, anyone, lay around and sip a drink with an umbrella for me!

All That is Right (and Wrong) With America

2008-07-04T21:37:00.003-05:00

A Short List:

American Gladiators
Love in this Club, as performed by Rocka Fire Explosion (seriously, watch this now)

Earlier, I went shopping at a big box retailer and now I'm going to eat some red meat and get slightly drunk. I think the Founding Fathers would approve.

Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

Percy is back to normal

2008-07-02T09:31:00.004-05:00

I, however, still need to clean the apartment from the cat litter disaster of 2008. And Percy has at least another day of antibiotics. As of yesterday morning, she is on to me. She knows what happens when I hold her in my lap and tilt her head up. She can recognize the plunger thingy that shoots the liquid into her mouth. And she wants none of it. I have never had her squirm so rapidly and bonelessly out of my grip. It's an epic struggle we are locked in here; I am determined she has be treated, and she is determined not to taste the yucky medicine. Thus far, Percy has not missed a dose. I'm hoping to keep it that way.

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I've had two weeks of not thinking about my job at all. But it's popping up in my head again. So I'm starting (slowly) to do some preparation. I'm making a list. (I'm big on lists). A big ole' list of all the things I feel that I need to do my job successfully. Of course, I suppose I need to start by defining success in my job. But now that I have some distance and therefore some perspective, I can come up with a game plan for next year. Because the first thing on that new list: feel organized.

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I've been crafty lately. I finished my ikea desk drawer makeover. (Photos to follow). And I have sanded one of the two 3-shelf bookcases I am painting. I'm going all Trading Spaces! But it is rather fun and when it's done--if it turns out at all--I will be quite proud of myself.

Poor Percy!

2008-06-29T16:04:00.002-05:00

Oh----my poor kitty has a UTI. I feel SO bad for her. We just got back from the emergency vet and she is miserable. She's on antibiotics, and will be for several days. But the poor thing is in her litter box every couple of minutes and she's not able to pee much. I didn't know what was up until she peed on the dog's bed--and on a blanket. I yelled at her the first time, then she did it again. And it was tiny amounts of pee. So I googled the symptoms and lo and behold: UTI.

This is my second trip to the emergency vet--my first was with a friend and her dog. It's an odd place--some people are quietly despairing, some people are chatty, some people are cooing at everyone else's animals. I was okay with the whole thing until their was a (minor) problem with the fluids they gave her, and she was bleeding from the IV site as I went to put her in the car. Then I freaked out. But we made it home okay, Now I've set up a temporary secondary litter box in the living room, so she doesn't have to keep running up and down the apartment. I hope the antibiotics kick in soon--she's being quite stoic, but I remember how much it hurt when I hate a UTI, and I at least got to complain about it. She doesn't even get that luxury.

So send good, healing thoughts in the direction of a nine pound Calico cutie, please. It is much appreciated.

Friday Night Fun Times

2008-06-20T23:31:00.003-05:00

I am SO EXCITING.

I spend my Friday nights playing with sonnets and word pictures.

Wheee!

Detour

2008-06-17T18:07:00.004-05:00

This is what you see when the highway is closed.

Legacy

2008-06-17T16:18:00.004-05:00

Going to my high school reunion was a lot like I expected. One comment by a nun about how it's "not too late" to be a wife/mother. Lots of wedding rings, but less photos of babies than expected. Two medical doctors and four veterinarians. Tons of nurses, several teachers, and two social workers. Plus a smattering of corporate jobs, and only two stay at home moms.

I wasn't too worried about attending, mainly because my life is pretty good just now. I do a job that impresses people and makes them say "good for you," in a slightly uncomfortable way. (Like "good for you, but dear god don't make me think about the realities you deal with") I'm not married, but I have a boyfriend. And I don't live in St. Louis anymore, which I count as an accomplishment of a sort.

We attended mass--I stayed firmly in my seat at communion, as did a friend of mine. Just like old times! We sat through several speeches, touting our progress and then asking us for money. I was prepared to give them money. In fact, one of the things on my 101 list is to give them money. But I've changed my mind.

My high school did many things right. I would send a daughter to an all-girls school in a heartbeat. Academics were valued. Your status and prestige were based on accomplishments like honor society or sports or creative writing. Physical appearance wasn't all that important. A uniform skirt is a great equalizer.

However--I was given false information about safe sex. Literally lied to by a religion teacher (not a nun). Being catholic was the only choice and honest doubting had no place. All things were solved by prayer. Boys were "walking hormones," therefore girls had to be the gatekeepers of sexuality. You could attend school if you were pregnant, but not if you were married. We were expected to have families and careers someday, but with no conversation about how, exactly that was going to work.

There were mentions of social justice here and there, but they were mainly led by a woman who led a torturous existence as a lesbian and a catholic. I don't remember any discussion of the unavoidable fact--invisible to teenagers--that we were a group of incredibly privileged girls. We were the "cream of the crop," the smartest and bestest. But we were also ridiculously lucky to have parents who could afford to send us to this school.

And the school was white. Really white. It's not like St. Louis doesn't have black girls. And I bet some of those black girls are really smart. But maybe because of St. Louis' segregation or maybe because of finances, none of those really smart black girls (or latina girls) went to my high school. According to the promotional video they showed us, that hasn't changed.

Granted, maybe my contribution to the school would help them give more scholarships. And maybe some of those scholarships would go to diversifying the student body. But nothing I heard or saw gave any indication that diversity is on their priority list.

In the end, though, those facts don't make up for the lies I was told. I don't have that much money to give. I want the money I do give to work for causes I believe in. So I'm going to reallocate that $50. I gave $25 to Barack Obama's campaign today, and I think the other $25 will go either to Rape Victim Advocates or the Chicago Women's Health Center. Given my disagreements with my alma mater, those causes feel fitting.

Tomorrow

2008-06-12T20:25:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is the last day of work until August for me. Well, the last day of my salaried job, anyway. I'll be working one or two places for hourly wages this summer.

The last months have been an experience, for sure. I don't even know. I can't even say. Unsettled is the best word, I think. I'm unsettled by my job experience on many levels. I feel ineffective in some ways, and wildly efficient in others. I feel swamped by politics, yet inspired by the possibilities of teamwork. I learned a TON. Good things and bad things. Things about myself and my weaknesses as a social worker. I just don't even know.

But I'll have two and a half months to figure it out!

Someday

2008-06-09T18:48:00.003-05:00

Perhaps some day soon, I'll write a post about attending my 10 year reunion--because if that experience isn't fodder for a blog, I don't know what is. And another one about my emotions as the work year(for me) winds down.

But right now I would just like to raise a glass of wine to celebrate the fact that I survived! I survived sitting next to a nun at mass and I survived when the highway CLOSED and made the Champaign-Chicago leg of the trip double.

So all in all, well done to me!

Nature

2008-06-01T18:15:00.007-05:00

Today was gardening day!

And from another angle...

In other nature news--I think I have mentioned the fact that an apartment building up the street put up two fake palm trees. A few weeks ago, Rib and I noticed something interesting going on with those trees.

Let's go in for the close up, shall we?

That is one enterprising bird. I hope the babies all make it in their plastic home.

First Blister of the Sandal Season

2008-05-31T16:58:00.002-05:00

And completely worth it. Rib and I went for a long walk this afternoon to enjoy the sunny skies and 75 degree weather. The smell of barbecue wafted in the air, kids were splashing in the water, gay men were playing shirtless volleyball---summer on the Northside lakefront in Chicago!

Then I headed home to play on the Wii for a little bit. I may not be able to bowl well in real life, but I'm a master on the Wii!

Life is good.

Wii are currently unavailable...

2008-05-27T18:03:00.003-05:00

After casually looking for one for a few weeks, I just bought a Wii.

Do not expect to hear from me (or Rib) again for a few months.

Seen at the Zoo

2008-05-26T13:30:00.001-05:00

At the hippo exhibit, a sign stating:

Due to introductions for breeding, some of the hippos have abrasions on their skin. We are aware of the situation, and veterinarians are monitoring the animals. Thank you for your concern.

Awesome.

Hater of Fun

2008-05-25T20:23:00.002-05:00

I feel like such a cranky old lady screaming "Get off my lawn!" right now. See, some of my neighbors are having a memorial day BBQ in the backyard of my apartment building. And they have been for the past four hours. This is all very good and well. But I wanted to do laundry tonight, and take Jake outside and give him a good brushing. Now, if I want to do laundry, I have to wade through a group of 20 something strangers and tip toe around three grills. And there's no way Jake is going out there to get brushed.

Plus, they are literally right outside my bedroom, dining room, and kitchen windows, so every time I move from room to room to turn on a light, I know they can see it. It's really nice outside, for the first time in a while, so I have windows open. But I can smell their food, (which lead to ordering BBQ for dinner) and I can hear their music and talking. This is the first time in a while I've had the apartment to myself for a few hours, and I'm marooned inside of it.

I can't decide if I'm being whiny and fussy, or if they are legitimately inconsiderate, since this is a rental building and they are effectively blocking access to the back entrance and laundry room. I don't think I would mind if not for the poor timing. I wanted to clean the apartment while Rib was at the White Sox game, and have everything all ready and pretty so that tomorrow would be a guilt-free laying around kind of day.

Oh well. At least I'm using the blog genre for its proper purpose: whining into the vast void of cyberspace!

The Dress

2008-05-25T15:04:00.002-05:00

The bridesmaid dress is here. It fits! (Mainly) Apparently, the sizing of the dress was designed for a Barbie doll. My waist/hips fit perfectly, but it is VERY roomy in the bust. So I have to find a good place for alterations. I don't want to use the that place I went to for the dress for my brother's wedding. They did a good job, but the language barrier made it a bit risky.

But the dress is very pretty, and Minnesota approved the $30 black sandals I bought a few weeks ago to go with it. Yea for cheap (relatively comfy) shoes!

SO GOOD

2008-05-21T16:00:00.003-05:00

I can't gain weight until after Minnesota's wedding, because the bridesmaid dress is really small and I'm scared of how it will look once it arrives.

But this chocolate...oh, dear god this chocolate. It is very good. Definitely worth $3 a bar. So, so, so good.

Go buy a bar. They sell it at Target. Enjoy!

2008-05-20T19:15:00.004-05:00

I used my 10 year high school reunion as an excuse to buy a super cute skirt today. I might also use it as a reason to buy some white sandals. And get a pedicure. Yea for events that justify spending money!

Rib and I went on a shopping excursion after work today. More home stuff--the nesting continues. There is a bare spot we've been trying to fill in the living room. We bought a plant stand/shelf thingy from a resale shop today. I don't know if it's the right size, though. The shape is really perfect, sort of a ladder type thing that echos my trestle desk. But we'll have to spray paint it black and Rib might cut it down to make it the right width. Lots of work for a $10 purchase.

Life at The Bureaucracy rolls on. I emailed my boss a change of assignment request for next year last week, and she hasn't gotten back to me. I might have been filling out my time cards incorrectly all year, but I have been getting paid, so... Oh, and I haven't been accruing vacation days or sick days, even though those were supposed to start showing up after 60 days of working.

Oh, well. At least my insurance is all set. I went to the dentist yesterday for the first time in a while--an embarrassingly long while. But my good genes pulled through, and still no cavities. Just a lot of scraping during the cleaning, and some sore gums. I promised the dentist that now that I had insurance, she'd see me every six months rather than every four years.

Isn't my life just thrilling? All the good work stories are either confidential or too depressing to share. And my home life is mundane and happy. Hopefully over the summer, the blog will pick up the pace again!

Health and Fitness

2008-05-15T18:16:00.003-05:00

If you are feeling a bit sluggish, I highly recommend hula-hooping to James Brown. To be more specific, the song Sex Machine. Because when you get to the part that says "shake your money maker" you can shake your ass while hula hooping and feel like some sort of awesome crazy individual. I know, I know, emphasis on the crazy part. After that, I did a bunch of stuff with my little five pound weights and now I have jelly arms. I feel good!

Also in health news, I am assembling tasty trail mix and eating it for lunch every day. I got tired of the Planters trail mixes, since none of them had all the stuff I actually wanted. The Anne-tastic trail mix currently consists of: peanut butter covered pretzels, banana chips, almonds, dried cranberries, salted peanuts and dried kiwi. Dried kiwi is surprisingly good; very sweet and slightly crunchy with the seeds.

Isn't it pretty?

And yes, the jars to the right of the trail mix contain jelly beans, root beer barrels, and mary janes.

There is not only a kick-ass grocery store that sells dried kiwi within walking distance of my house, but also a deli that sells old-fashioned candy.

I love my neighborhood!

Misc Updates

2008-05-07T16:24:00.004-05:00

I had a good day today at work, and in celebration, I came home and made a bunch of doctor's appointments! Because I finally had the energy to do so.

And I took pictures of the awesome chairs Rib and I got off Craigslist for $100. But the camera battery was dying, and I was in a hurry, so the pictures of the whole room are not so good. But this closeup of one of the chairs at least shows you how they look.

Hooray, craigslist!

In other news, there isn't much other news. My high school reunion committee just sent me a form to update everyone on my life. It has a space for full name, maiden name, spouse, and children. There's going be a lot of blank spaces on my form. But at least I have something to write down for college(s) and degree(s) and employer. Whew! Cause if I didn't have the "family" category or the "career" category, I'd be feeling pretty lousy about attending the reunion.

I've taken a break from reading novels (until I get the book group book) because I tend to read things that aren't all that shiny or happy and I just can't have any more pathos in my life beyond my work day. I was ruminating about my client's troubles, and then picking up a book about a German dwarf during the Holocaust. Not a good compound effect. I need to read "beach read" books during the school year, and then pull out the heavy stuff when I'm on the beach and have a more relaxed mental state.

Reflection

2008-04-25T16:19:00.007-05:00

With the new job, and Rib's influence, I've been thinking way more about Chicago. Specifically, the large amounts of violence we've witnessed this spring from young people. It's such a huge issue. Where does the most effective, ground level intervention start? Because I'm trying to work as one person with one adolescent at a time, and I don't believe that is going to cut it.

Lot of people are calling for police presence and involvement. Or gun control. Or, all the way on the other end, legalizing all drugs. Or people say "we need more programs for youth." Or "we need to hold parents accountable." But none of those things is a magic bullet. If we really and truly want this level of violence to stop, not just in one neighborhood, or for one summer, but for good, there are so very many things that need to be done.

It's so hard to face the issues head on--I started to write something about public housing, then realized that it sounded class-ist and possibly racist. I'm a white lady from a solid middle class background. I never went to public school a day in my life. I've never seen someone smoke crack. I never had to use food stamps. I didn't know what a gang sign looked like until a few months ago. What the hell do I know? My privileged position makes me feel like I have no authority to say anything, or do anything, or raise a ruckus about anything. I'm not from this place. I don't know what the day-to-day is like. I haven't fought the fights these kids are fighting, literally or figuratively.

So where do I start? What kind of good can I really do? I mean, it's impossible to make a meaningful impact for an adolescent with the minimal amount of time I see them. I can't check in with them everyday because I'm not even there everyday. I keep banging my head against the wall, meeting with them and hearing that "every thing's fine" then finding out from another staff member that they ran away from home. They don't dislike me, for the most part. They think I'm irrelevant. And I don't blame them. What can I actually offer? I can give them a place to talk for a little while, but that's it. I can try to give them some perspective, some skills to interact with other adults, some problem solving solutions. But until other things in their life change, they aren't going to be ready to listen. Sometimes, with every fifth or sixth kid I see, just having someone to talk to is enough. And those days I feel great. Those days I know I've done something for someone by being there.

This is meandering, and I know that. Sorry. All these themes are all tied up in my head and working in the background nearly constantly. I'm reading a book about a guy in the 80's who started a tiny private school for gang members and ran it for one year. I'm reading blogs about crime in local neighborhoods and the politics involved in doing anything about it. The fine line between displacing the poor and fighting crime seems to be getting finer all the time. Today I heard about a kid who had been checking in with her counselor every day at school, had started attending regularly, whose parent had been in contact with staff. And then one day she just stopped coming. The phone number was disconnected and she was gone. What do you do with that? What can you do with that?

I know I'm new at my job. I'm working on gaining some sense of authority, and at being better at presenting myself as the expert in my field. With the extreme lack of training I received, it's difficult. And I keep telling myself that next fall, when The Bureaucracy moves me to another location, things will be different. I'll have a fresh start. I'll have a full year. I'll be more involved in the day-to-day of my client's lives.

In the meantime, I just have to keep reminding myself that just by trying, I'm doing something. Just by being there, and being ready and willing to engage, I'm making some infinitesimal impact. And that has to be good enough for now.

Margot Livesey

2008-04-19T14:21:00.004-05:00

Whenever I'm book shopping with my mom, she inevitably asks me, "Have you read anything by X?" at least five times. And at least three of those times, I sheepishly reply "No." And then she decides which of those as-yet-unread authors constitutes the biggest crime against literacy, and I become the proud owner of a new book or two.

On our last trip, she deemed Margot Livesey right up my alley. And she was 100% correct. We picked up two books by her, and I read both in a row. Eva Moves the Furniture was an all-in-one sitting, stay-up-past-my-bedtime read. Criminals took a few nights in a row. But both made me rave to Rib so frequently that he was all "yeah, yeah, books are good, uh huh."

Detailed reviews below.

Eva Moves the Furniture is the story of Eva McEwen's life. Eva grows up, as so many heroines do, without her mother. Instead, she has two mysterious "companions," a woman and a girl that other people generally cannot see. These companions appear and disappear in Eva's life, intervening in ways she cannot explain, for reasons she cannot understand. The story takes place in Scotland during World War II and the events of the war provide a dramatic backdrop to Eva's story. I'm a sucker for this kind of magical realism, and the characters were so well drawn. Eva is trapped by the secret of the companions, who both keep her from being extremely lonely, but also prevent her from making meaningful "normal" relationships. It's a beautiful quandary, and the more the reader learns about the companions, the more complex the question of their actions becomes.

Criminals also requires suspension of disbelief, but in a very different way. As a reader, you have to accept that people can be so very utterly without common sense and basic empathy as to make the plot possible. And what a plot it is! A stolen baby (mainly accidentally stolen), a mental breakdown Hitchcock style (the birds!), insider trading, illegal immigration, and blackmail all collide in the story. I had to close the book after some plot points, because I was just so disgusted and exasperated by the actions of the characters. If you stated out the plot baldly, with no information about the characters, the whole thing would seem absurd. But as it is written, the incredible events that unfold around this baby seem inevitable.

Looking up Margot Livesey online, I realized that I have indeed read one of her other books, Banishing Verona. (Also recommended by mom). Happily, she has two other novels that I have not yet read that I shall have to dig into. And unlike some authors, her writings are varied as to time/place/characters so binging on her books shouldn't wear me out.

Quickly

2008-04-17T07:28:00.003-05:00

Things are better. I'm still slightly coughing and ill, but not so upset about it anymore. I have things to write about--like books and work and weather and dog beds and photos, but write now I have to get to work!

Cartoon Cloud of Doom

2008-04-09T17:40:00.003-05:00

You know how just two days ago, I was all sunny and optimistic in the face of life?

Not so much today.

Today I have a headache. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my least favorite at The Bureaucracy. I heard way too many curse words today, and accomplished very little. Just paperwork shuffling, and mainly.

Plus I'm ill. Again. AGAIN. I don't know if it's allergies, but I don't think so since Rib is coughing too and the allergy medicine didn't do much of anything except prevent me from getting a good night's sleep. My immune system SUCKS this year. I need to live in some sort of purell bubble, except that purell is actually just contributing to the creation of a superbug that will kill us all.

Maybe I need to eat more citrus. Or just go lay down.

Allergic to Life

2008-04-07T17:10:00.003-05:00

I think, in my advanced age of 27.5, I have become allergic to spring. I've had about 3 weeks of being able to breath through my nose and swallow without pain, and apparently, that was about as much respite as I was allowed.

That is just one of many petty complaints that I have against the world today. Others include the loss of my laptop power adapter (my own fault), the fact that it will rain tomorrow, and my inability to keep nail polish chip free for more than eight consecutive hours.

So, everything considered, my life is going fairly well. I'm paying down my credit cards. (I know, I know, I promised to not go into credit card debt again, but I wasn't making any money temping!) It's going to be a few months of stupendous frugality, but it'll happen.

And I have benefits now! Real live benefits! Which means I can get new glasses to replace the ones that are currently being held together with tape! Of course, the $50 copay (for lenses and frames) doesn't really work with the frugality, but I think my vision is worth making an exception for.

Sadly, this really isn't something I can justify. But isn't it pretty?

Just Me

2008-03-31T18:51:00.004-05:00

For the first time in a while, I'm by myself in the apartment. It's Opening Day, you see, and Rib is off watching the White Sox game (unless the game is over, in which case he's just off drinking with his sports friends.)

I'm liking the quiet and aloneness. I didn't realize I missed it until I had it again, which is probably for the best. Solitude is a treat now, not a daily state of affairs. The cohabitation is going well. We're done with the nesting--Mom and Dad have come and gone. But we've become interior design addicts. Just for fun, we'll sit around and talk about how we could move the furniture, or put up some shelves, or what the perfect chair would be for that neglected corner. I'm getting back in touch with the teenager who painted a wall of her room something close to "aqua waters" on this page and moved her furniture every few months just for kicks. In the next few weeks, I'll post some photos of the place so you can see what we've done.

But tonight--just me and the animals. I'm going to watch tv, paint my nails, and peruse my new books. (When Mom and Dad come to town, book purchases are sure to follow!) It will be restful and wonderful. I'm wishing you, anonymous Internet reader, an equally pleasant evening.

First Ever....

2008-03-30T09:25:00.003-05:00

Celebrity sighting!

Last night, at the dinner to introduce my parents to Rib's mom and her significant other, guess who was also dining at the restaurant?

Bill Murray!

That's some kind of sign for the relationship. However, I have no idea what kind.

Luckiest Girl Alive

2008-03-23T15:22:00.003-05:00

I woke up to this:

Why, Yes, I am White

2008-03-22T10:32:00.005-05:00

A few weeks ago, someone told me that "of course your life is good. You're rich and you're white." And of course, he wasn't entirely wrong. My level of "rich" depends on your perspective, I suppose, but my whiteness cannot be denied.

I thought I'd explore just how white by listing the all the items I personally like from the (trendy, loved-or-hated) website Stuff White People Like. I was thinking about listing all of the current items and commenting on each, but then I realized there are 90 things on that list, and I don't think anyone here cares that much.

So My Most Favoritest, Most Whitest Things Are: (numbers correspond to the website list)

#1 Coffee (drinking some right now!)
#5 Farmer's Markets
#7 Diversity
#8 Barack Obama (See #7!)
#12 Non-profit organizations (The majority of my paychecks have come from non profits!)
#13 Tea
#14 Having Black Friends
#16 Gifted Children (Someday I want one of my own!)
#17 Awareness (I am depressingly aware of the world's problems!)
#19 Traveling
#21 Writer's Workshop
#24 Wine (Drank some last night!)
#26 David Sedaris
#35 The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
#36 Breakfast Places (GOD, how I love breakfast places!)
#43 Plays (Acted in them, moved sets for them, sold tickets to them!)
#44 Public Radio (Car radio button #2!)
#47 Arts Degrees (I have one!)
#49 Vintage
#50 Irony
#51 Living by the Water (I do--well, within walking distance, anyway!)
#52 Sarah Silverman (I wish I was f*cking Matt Damon!)
#53 Dogs (I live with one!)
#55 Apologies (I'm sorry for stuff all the time!)
#62 Knowing What's Best for Poor People (This is what I do for a living!)
#63 Expensive Sandwiches
#64 Recycling
#67 Standing Still at Concerts (I have white person rhythm, which is to say: none!)
#72 Study Abroad
#76 Bottles of Water (Hydration is good, scary drinking fountains are bad!)
#78 Multilingual Children (Someday I want one of my own!)
#80 The Idea of Soccer
#81 Graduate School (I spent lots of money to go to one!)
#83 Bad Memories of High School
#84 T-shirts (Wearing one right now!)
#88 Having Gay Friends

Adding that up, that's only 36 out of 90 items. I'm only 40% White--that is not nearly as White as I thought I was. I guess living in the city has corrupted my Whiteness. I wonder what my other 60% is.

"Spring"

2008-03-20T13:38:00.003-05:00

So it is about to dump a snow/rain combo all over the city on the last day of my spring break. Spring indeed. Harump. This means I miss out on seeing my parents, as they were going to be visiting for Easter, but now will not want to drive through the snow. Boo. (on the weather, not my parents, obviously)

I did get to see one of my lovely high school friends during break (hi!), so that's something. And Rib and I will probably clean the hell out of the apartment, even though my parents aren't visiting. Of course, that won't happen until he wakes up, which, since he just rolled over and hunkered down under the covers again, probably isn't happening for an hour or two. I think this is the secret of our successful cohabitation. We are rarely awake at the same time.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my time once we get all the apartment projects completed. Maybe I'll pick up some discarded hobbies, like crocheting, or beading, or finishing the 101 list. I just went and did an update of the list; happily, there were things on there I could cross off! I don't think I'm going to make it through, though. There are 38 things remaining on the list, and only about six months left.

This is a highly unexciting post. But that is the by-product of living a relatively unexciting life.

Shrinking Interests

2008-03-13T19:32:00.005-05:00

I thought I would miss the Internet more than I do. I mean, I used to spend every day online, reading news articles, looking at cute pictures, and following the plots of tv shows I would never actually watch. But now that I'm employed, I spend a lot less time online. And I don't miss it. In fact, I find that when I'm trying to read some of my formerly sites now, I get annoyed. Some things seem trivial, and others, well, I just don't have time to worry about anything else. I've got my clients, and making a home with Rib and the animals, and that's about the extent of my world right now. It'll probably expand back out over the summer as my free time becomes voluminous. For now, though, I'm no longer the source for random tv, celebrity or otherwise odd news.

Neglect

2008-03-08T09:52:00.004-06:00

I blame my new job and long-lasting cold for my neglect of this space. So sorry!

Updates:

My car is named "Boo." Or "Baby Boo" depending on my mood. I still can't parallel park. (I know). But on the upside, I've knocked off another 101 goal by listening to NPR on the way to work.

My job is picking up, mainly in the two locations that I am the only social worker there. In those places, it's gonna be hoppin'--the clients there are high-need. Which is great experience, if a tad bit overwhelming some days. It's a day-by-day thing at this point. Some days I come home feeling like I maybe did some good. And some days I come home feeling like I'll never be able to give as much help as my clients need.

Home life is happy. We're still overhauling the place, but now it's the finishing touches, like wall art and the like. My parents are coming in for Easter, and that's when we want to have it prettied up as much as possible. And speaking of, I have to get back to hunting down a good Easter brunch location.

Stuff Begets Stuff

2008-02-28T19:28:00.003-06:00

I have not ever thought of myself as a materialistic person. But it seems in the past few months, my need for stuff--and nice, quality stuff--has increased exponentially. I'm hoping that at some point, when all the dust settles from all the change, I will no longer find myself needing to go shopping for some doodad or another each weekend.

Currently, I'm on the hunt for a laptop bag. Yes, I have a laptop now. It's not really mine, it belongs to my employer. But I'll be carrying it around every day. So I need a bag for it. And possibly a second bag, for everything else I have to carry. See, I have no office. I have to gather all my files and set them wherever I may find myself--the library, the storage closet, a small corner of someone else's office--anywhere. And this transient work life makes me want a bag that I feel good about to lug around all day.

First it was the car. Cars need all kinds of stuff, right? That meant a GPS unit, and car accessories, and this that and the other. Then it was the nice rug in the living room, that made the not-so-nice stuff stand out. So we got a new desk, and a new filing cabinet, and new shelves. Now I'm afraid that with this laptop, I'll need not only a new bag, but a secondary bag that coordinates. And then my bags will look so nice that my clothes will look shabby. And then the new clothes will make me rethink the rest of my appearance. And all the sudden, a work laptop will have lead to buying $100 moisturizer and getting highlights so that I look cute enough to match my cute car and my cute bags and my cute apartment.

I'm fairly confident that common sense will intercede before things get out of control. But, just in case, if you ever hear me say, "but I need the $30 nail polish! It matches the sandals that look so good when my foot is on the gas pedal," then you have my permission to whack me upside the head.

Need Karma?

2008-02-24T11:00:00.002-06:00

Donate a book! So I bought a cover/clip for my new cell phone on Amazon, to prevent future cell phone loss. Then, just because, I added a book (only $7) to be sent to a library that needs books. I'm basking in a wonderful post-donation glow right now. I highly recommend it!

Sniffle, sniffle, HACK

2008-02-23T10:08:00.002-06:00

Rib and I are officially very much a couple, as we have progressed to the sharing-all-germs stage. I got a cold, rather quickly after starting my new job. Unlike previous times when I've been sick and Rib has stayed healthy, he was quickly overcome by this nasty bug. So we are a household of tissues and hot tea, sniffles and steamy showers.

Otherwise, things are good. My new desk area is PRETTY. I snagged two versions of the Ikea Fira chests for my desk and they are exactly what I needed. Of course, they were a bitch to put together, with 8 nails per drawer. At the moment, they are still the unfinished wood, but I purchased a small can of black stain and when the weather gets nicer, I shall stain them to match everything else.

I just tried to take some pictures of the space, but I'm too tired to do the cleaning I'd want to do before posting a picture of the area. So for now, you'll just have to imagine.

On the Road

2008-02-18T18:23:00.002-06:00

I'm getting better at this driving thing. Which is not to say that I was ever a bad driver. Just an uncomfortable driver. I'm still not thrilled with the prospect of driving every day. I can't believe that I went from driving once a year, tops, to driving nearly every day the past two weeks.

I made it all the way out to Ikea today; quite a nice journey, especially considering that I went to the car dealership first to pick up my plates. We got out of Ikea in under $100, which is some sort of record for me.

My little car has started to whisper a possible name at me...maybe it's a "Robin." I like the connotations of the robin's egg blue, and the idea that if Batman's sidekick got a car, it would look like mine. (Of course the 1960's tv version of Batman's sidekick; not the comic book version.) I'm going to test it out to see if it sticks.

Busy, Busy

2008-02-17T10:54:00.002-06:00

My apartment is pretty, and getting prettier nearly by the minute. I am organized, and getting organizedier by the minute. Work has not settled into any kind of pattern yet, which is to be expected. Rib is moved in, with the rest of his furniture to follow on Friday.

Everything is busy and slightly anxiety-producing, but good. Continuing with the loads and loads of change--new desk, new shelves, new filing cabinet, new cell phone...everything is all different. And better. It'll be a while before I totally have my footing in this new-and-improved Anne life.

In the meantime, though, the finale of American Gladiators is on tonight! Whoo! I'm betting the retail clerk and the soccer mom are gonna take home the win!

Don't Call Me

2008-02-11T17:05:00.000-06:00

I lost my phone.

It's not at the gas station; it's not in my apartment; it's not in my car. It could be in my workplace or (more likely) in the parking lot of my workplace, or (most likely) on the curb somewhere. Of course, that workplace is only my workplace on Mondays, and tomorrow is a holiday (in IL) and I won't be able to ask anyone to look for it until Wednesday. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

However, I have now learned to check my voicemails from another phone, and I've already found my phone model on ebay for SIGNIFICANTLY less than a new phone would cost, and I have almost everyone's phone number in a contact list on my computer. It'll be a pain to reenter all of it, but I've lived through worse. Meanwhile, I've suspended the phone, so if someone finds it, they can't call their cousin in Luxembourg on my account.

So if you want to talk to me, email me. Or go find my phone for me!

Whew!

2008-02-08T17:22:00.001-06:00

I made it through my first week intact. A little confused, a little overwhelmed, but intact. I'm not actually seeing any clients yet. That won't start until Wednesday, due to the schedule of The Bureaucracy. They haven't entirely decided what to do with me on a long-term basis. I think there's some political something going on with my hiring and placement. I'm not entirely sure, but I plan on keeping my head down, and my job done.

The scariest thing about the week wasn't the job, but the driving. The Chicago weather has not been my friend. Dumping snow then sleet then rain on my new pretty car. Sigh. But I guess that all my future driving will feel like a breeze! Even over this week, I've gotten more comfortable. I'm no longer tensing my entire body when I drive. Which is great, because the back and neck pain was getting to be quite unpleasant.

So things are going well. Rib and Jake are still here. They'll probably leave tomorrow, and then be back for good next weekend. I'm getting new office furniture and we're planning on moving around some other pieces in the apartment. Basically, the front office/living room is going to look gorgeous, and the dining room/Rob's office/guest bedroom is going to be as miss-matched as it multiple purposes suggest. But somehow it'll come together. Everything else seems to be!

New Car, New (to me) Dog!

2008-02-03T20:17:00.000-06:00

So as the title suggests...I bought a new car! A 2008 Honda Fit Sport, in vivid pearl blue. This is a picture of my car earlier today.

It is quite lovely, no? A nice little subcompact, all shiny and blue and looking quite sleek.

At the moment, it is being covered in snow. Poor little car! It has also already been subjected to quite a few potholes. Welcome to the city, car o' mine. I will do my best to keep you safe, and you do the same. Deal? Deal. My adorable metal friend will be named sometime in the next few weeks, so watch this space!

The buying experience was quite interesting. From the first salesman I met, who didn't know the difference between a Corolla and a Prius (true story) to the guy who told me over the phone "All women hate each other" (also true), dealing with car salesmen was an experience. However, I ended up buying my car almost all the way across the city because they had the color I wanted, AND they had a salesWOman. She rocked. The other salespeople were obviously jealous of how many customers she had. Chicks like to deal with her cause she's a chick, and guys like to deal with her cause she's hot. Plus, she's actually a good saleswoman, all knowledgeable and friendly and low pressure. I'm glad I bought my Fit from her.

Speaking of additions to my life, Rib's dog is currently sleeping on the floor. Rib himself is at a bar watching the Super Bowl, but Jake is here with me. And Percy. The two have reached a place of peace, it seems. Percy is a bit intimidated by the size difference (see photo) but she is holding her ground. And Jake is too old and mellow to chase her around much. Also, Percy is quite pleased at how small Jake makes her seem. She looks nearly dainty next to him, which is no mean feat for a fat-ass cat.

Jake will probably get driven home tomorrow night after I get off work (work, you say? yes, the new job starts tomorrow!) However, I'm holding out hope that he and Percy will fall in love, and refuse to be parted, creating an epic dog and cat love story for the ages.

Don't worry Jake, she's just playing hard to get!

How's About those Democrats?

2008-01-31T20:53:00.000-06:00

They give good debate, I think.

Then again, I was drinking during the debate, so what do I know?

My mind wasn't changed, but I do respect both candidates quite a lot. And I'll certainly be donating money to whomever wins the primary.

But now, back to panicking over my HR nightmare. Oh, and buying a car on Saturday. Yikes!

Angry Anne!

2008-01-28T18:49:00.000-06:00

I just read the following on Yahoo's "Most Viewed" news stories:

Spears has `mental issues,' friend says
AP - 2 hours, 30 minutes ago

NEW YORK - Barbara Walters says she has been contacted by Britney Spears' manager and "very good friend," Sam Lutfi, who says the pop singer has seen a psychiatrist.

And I kinda want to bunch Barbara Walters in the face. What business is that of hers? How is that journalism? There is an ELECTION. There is a WAR. And also--how is that even newsworthy? I mean "Spears has mental issues." I think that at this point, even my brother's as-of-yet unborn child is aware of that fact. Either find something that is both actually important and actually news to comment on, or STFU, Barbara.

I Didn't Know Them

2008-01-23T08:48:00.000-06:00

You've probably heard about Heath Ledger. I didn't have a particular affinity for him; I haven't even seen Brokeback Mountain, having chosen to read the short story instead. Somehow, though, it was painful and personal to hear he died. I didn't think about him all that much, but when I did, I thought he was an artist, with a serious, eccentric, yet stable, disposition. For so many famous people, I would just shrug and be sad if I heard that they overdosed. But this just came out of nowhere. I am so sad for his daughter, and his ex-fiancé, and his parents.

Then I read this story. To summarize, a 27 year old woman was found dead in the lake on January 19th. It is classified as a "unwitnessed drowning" and seems to be a suicide, or possibly a homicide. She was working as a psychiatric social worker and had graduated with her MSW from Loyola in 2006.

I found a photo of her online. I didn't recognize her face; I don't remember her from any classes. But she was there, same as me. She probably graduated in May, like I would have if I had taken summer classes, and she was in a different concentration. But we might have had introductory classes together. I hardly remember my professors from my first year, much less my classmates. I could have sat next to Robyn, or watched her give a presentation, or listened to her discuss an article.

I don't even know what to think. Two people, both my age, dead. I know that it isn't out of the ordinary. 27 and 28 year olds die every day. I know this. And I know that it's always tragic. These deaths--these caught me by surprise. An actor and a social worker. One thing I thought I was and one thing I am. Despite their resources, despite their advantages, neither of them safe.

I don't know if either of them took their own life. And I don't want to speculate about it in a public forum because life is difficult enough for their family and friends. However, I will be thinking about them, and wondering, and coming as close to praying as I ever do.

I didn't know Heath or Robyn. But I mourn them.

Insert Title Here

2008-01-22T10:11:00.000-06:00

I went to work yesterday. I was the only one there. They forgot to tell the temp that the office was closed for the holiday.

God, I hate this job.

I did enjoy my day off, after my hour and a half commute to downtown and back at 7:30 in the freakin' morning. (Still slightly bitter) I concluded my pre-purchase research on cars. I now know the invoice, msrp, mpg, standard safety features, warranty coverage, consumer reports rating, jd power rating, car and driver rating, and edmund's rating on five different vehicles. No, I do not know the horsepower, or engine size. Maybe I'll factor that stuff into the next car I buy. For this one, I know my priorities, and it's time to start test-driving. Whee!

I also purchased my book group's next book, Dreams of My Father, by Barack Obama. I started it on the bus this morning, and it looks good. If I can squeeze it in, I'll have to grab something by Hillary Clinton to read before the primary. Equal time, and all.

I'm happy that Illinois' primary is on February 5th this year, and therefore means something. I'm all ready to vote! With the "vote early" program, I could actually stop by my local library and vote today. Once I figure out who the less prominent people running are (water reclamation district?), I might take advantage of the option. Yippee for democracy! Oh, and I have been personally campaigned for the first time at my el stop, twice, by the same guy. He has a very convincing flyer, so you know, I just might vote for him. (What do you mean, I should look up more information? I shouldn't vote just on the basis of one 5x7 glossy piece of paper handed to me by an attractive candidate? Isn't voting on appearances the American way?! )

And now I'm going back to "sticking it to the man" Anne-style. Which means that I am quietly making multiplication flashcards for my tutoring kids while waiting for people to return my emails. Take that, temp job! I am a REBEL!

Inside

2008-01-18T17:43:00.000-06:00

It's flippin' freezing outside. I am not leaving my apartment again this weekend. (Well, okay, I'm leaving to go outside to the laundry room, but that hardly counts, right?) Instead, I will stay inside and watch loads of tv, and drink tasty pomegranate tea, and research the major purchases coming up in my life (new mattress, new car, eck!) I will order delivery and cuddle with my sweetie and watch American Gladiators.

Wait, what?

Oh but yes. I have a deep and strong love for the new version of American Gladiators. My first encounter with series as a whole came when Rib and I went to a local bar on a whim. The drinks were pricey, so we weren't going to stay. But then I glanced at the big screen TV and gasped. "What is THAT?" I asked. Turns out, that was the original series, in all its (muted) glory. I was mesmerized.

Now that it is back on tv, I have fully embraced the triumph and despair that is the American Gladiator experience. The bleeding Marine lady! The 14 years too late dude! The ass kicking of a skateboarder by a fireman! Oh, the fun of watching the contenders get flung into the water, or off the pyramid, or face plant on the reverse treadmill over and over. I could use less of the contender back stories, but there is a certain perverse fun in watching someone who claims to be doing it all "for his beautiful son" fail miserably. He let his son down...on Gladiators! What will happen to their family harmony? Oh noes!

And the Gladiators...hee. God, I love the ones that really go for it. It's more the dudes than the chicks that are all out character fabulousness. Like Wolf, who howls and is so Method that I'm pretty sure he stinks all the time. And Titan, who looks like Mr. America and wears a man-bra and smiles genially as he throws people around. For the chicks, I'm all about Crush. She's hot, and she's a wicked good fighter with a huge Q-Tip. Of course, Hellga has a funnier name.

So I'm catching up on last week's episode once Rib gets here tomorrow, and then there is more goodness on Monday night. Plus, Rib's going to start recording the old episodes on ESPN Classic while he still has access to cable. I want to send a muffin basket to whoever at NBC green lit this bad boy.

Cannot WAIT to Leave

2008-01-15T14:02:00.000-06:00

Okay, so if you're a full-time employee who is overworked due to incompetence, and your boss tells the temp who sits next to you to help out with your large project, you might not want to piss off the temp by getting fussy about how that help is being carried out. Because you make a lot more money than the temp, and the temp doesn't really give a flying crap, and the reason you have this large project is because you can't speak up for yourself and say "hey, this project is totally unwieldy and too much for one person to handle," and none of those faults of yours creates any big hurry on the part of the temp to help you out.

It's true that the temp has got lots of free time and you are always overworked. You also get benefits and a salary. And the temp knows how to use formulas in excel and how to make the copier become a scanner, things you have proven unable to figure out.

So really, you should NOT get shirty when the temp puts the boxes full of the envelopes she has stuffed, at risk of bleeding to death from hundreds of tiny papercuts, onto the cart instead of onto the floor. Cause she just might spend the rest of the day pretending to work, but typing angry blog entries instead.

Window Shopping

2008-01-14T10:29:00.000-06:00

Man, I keep finding stuff I want to buy. But I should most definitely NOT spend money on anything (other than, you know, a car) until I have actually started my new job and have a paycheck in hand.

But this t-shirt? Sorely tempting.

Lowest Common Denominator

2008-01-10T12:52:00.000-06:00

The media is making me cranky lately. I just read a copy of RedEye, the Chicago Tribune's paper for commuters (designed to be read in 20 minutes) and I feel like it killed some brain cells. The campaign coverage is outrageous and I've decided to stop reading all of it and just keep my head down until Feb 5, at which time I go to my polling place for the primary. I've made up my mind on my Democratic primary pick, and unless it comes out that my candidate eats babies on weekends, I'm sticking with my choice.

Even the blogs that I usually love, like Jezebel, are pissing me off. I mean, they have no rule about objectivity, I get that. But they might as well replace their logo with a political slogan for how much plugging of one candidate and bashing of another that they do. And it doesn't seem to be swaying people so much as angering them. I'm trapped at work, with little to do, and I can't even go read their site as a refuge anymore. (No news on start date on Social Work Job; I have to call the lady back on Jan 25. The wheels of bureaucracy turn slowly.)

I guess since the candidates are so close in policy viewpoints, we have to talk endlessly about whether a chick or a black dude is more likely to be electable. And if you are a chick, are you betraying chicks by not voting for one, or are you even more of a feminist for not voting for a chick based on her merits rather than voting for her based on her vagina?

I'm just so tired of it. It's a big freaking deal that it's a woman and a black man running because we keep saying it is. We're shocked by it because we keep getting told it's shocking. Every time the question gets ask "Could a woman/black man be president?" it implies that they couldn't. It's insidious, it's prevalent, and it's making me write angry rants into nowhere.

Retail Madness!

2008-01-05T19:07:00.001-06:00

The joys of Target cannot be overstated. Especially when you started the day by giving a whole load of stuff to the Salvation Army, thereby freeing you of any guilt of bringing new stuff into the place.

And new stuff we bought. Well, Rib really bought all the exciting stuff. I just bought cat litter and cat food and toilet paper and junk like that. But he basically re-outfitted the kitchen with actual, non-shitty cooking implements. And storage stuff, to take leftovers to work for lunch.

Oh, and a rug! We bought a rug for the living room. This rug, in fact. Isn't it pretty? Now Rib's dog won't have to rest his old bones on the hard wood floor. We are so nesting right now. It's quite giddy and cute and fun.

Plus I survived driving around in a SUV. It was harrowing--those suckers are huge and intimidating to drive, but I did it. All for the greater glory of Target, the land of wonder and joy.

I Miss People

2007-12-30T21:55:00.001-06:00

Too much isolation! Four days of no meaningful human contact. Only phone calls and interactions with customer service. This is not good.

I am punchy. I am stir crazy. I am irrational. I'm baking bread using my toaster oven in my living room.

Okay, so there's a good reason behind that last one. But I am unbelievably restless tonight. Thank GOD Rib is back in town tomorrow, and then I'm going to a New Year's gathering at Minnesota's and I will see and talk to PEOPLE. People who will be there in person who will talk to me longer than it takes to ask "paper or plastic." I cannot wait.

What My Siblings Have to Look Forward To

2007-12-30T10:49:00.000-06:00

Johnny Depp: When kids hit one year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit...

(found on Celebrity Wit)

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-27T10:16:00.000-06:00

I got the BEST Christmas present ever on last Friday. I got a job. The important interview came through. I will begin working as an honest to god social worker in the new year. I don't know my exact start date; that depends on the speed of the HR department. Sometime around February is the estimate.

So I have a month to: prepare for Rib to move in, buy a car, get reference texts for my job, build a work wardrobe I don't hate, buy a GPS unit for the car, and generally get ready to be actually doing the work I trained for! I am sooooo unbelievably happy. I feel like everything is coming together and I can take this big huge deep breath and sit back and enjoy my life. I'm starting my actual career, I've found my sweetie, and yeah, there's lots to be done, but I can't wait.

And over the holidays I got to spend time with my adorable niece--she now has smiley times when she just looks up at you and makes cute faces. I held her a few times and just basked in the wonder of being related to that itty bitty person. For the first time in my life, with both my siblings starting families, I'm seeing myself as an adult who could have a family of my own. Not for a while, mind you, but there it is, lingering under the surface. Looking at my parents and siblings and niece, I realized that this was the first Christmas I wasn't the baby. And it feels really good to relinquish that role.

I also got to know my sister in law much more over this visit than previous times, since I stayed with them. And now I can say that I honestly know her well enough to like her. Before, I thought she seemed nice, but I hadn't spent enough time with her to judge. And she did chose to marry my brother, so she couldn't be all that bright...(KIDDING!) But she is a throughly lovely lady.

But enough basking...time to get to work. I have to eat something, then hit the post-Christmas sales to get some work clothes!

Want!

2007-12-20T13:39:00.000-06:00

Since Rib will be moving in a few short months, I've been looking at interior design websites. Of course, almost everything is waaay beyond my ability to replicate and/or purchase, but the looking sure is fun!

This poster is so very completely Anne. And these have nothing to do with interior design, but I find them to be the perfect amount of kitsch and therefore want them desperately.

A rug is one thing I might actually purchase, since my floors do get slippery and I don't want Rib's dog to come crashing into the walls. Ikea is making me happy with this striped one and this fun blue one.

Of course, what we really really need is a queen sized bed. And a way to keep the animals from eating each other's food.

But who needs practical when you can look at other people's pretty homes?

Frantic, per usual

2007-12-19T13:12:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I sent an email to the head lady of the group of ladies I interviewed with at the important interview lo those two weeks ago. And that may have been a bad move. Not from a job search standpoint, necessarily, but from a personal nerves standpoint. Cause now I'm refreshing my email every 1.2 seconds and panicking every time there is an email, which has been only spam thus far, but there is only so much my heart can take, and offers of Viagra should not be affecting my cardiac rhythm.

Not having heard back from her within 24 hours is making me all paranoid and thinking that silence is a bad sign, and if they wanted to hire someone before the next semester, they'd be speedier and maybe they offered to someone else and are waiting to finalize before they tell me no and and and...

And writing about how important this job is to me and talking about it and having everyone know about it makes me wonder just how big a fool I'll feel if/when I don't get the job.

Also, I have five paper cuts on my hands from stuffing envelopes all morning. And guess what I have to look forward to this afternoon and tomorrow? You guessed it! Envelope stuffing! Wheeeee!

I'm not alone

2007-12-18T16:43:00.001-06:00

I guess I'm not the only one pissed about the whole Catholic Church almost-but-not-quite telling people how to vote thing.

Wonkette doesn't seem to happy either.

Collaborative Methods of Interactivity in Robust Dialogues

2007-12-18T09:43:00.000-06:00

I was at a meeting yesterday for work, out at an airport hotel. It was seven hours of everything you expect of a committee meeting. Lots of repeating of points, lots of pontificating, very little real progress. If it had been a Pee Wee playhouse episode, the magic words would have been "robust" and "dialogue" with extra loud screams for "robust dialogue." Because apparently the words "concerted, vigorous, rigorous, strong, or forceful" will just not do when a good mention of "robust" could be had. And no one has a "discussion" anymore. In fact, no one "talks" to another person. They "dialogue," or they have "dialogues." Sometimes they even "engage in dialogue."

Towards the close of the meeting, one of the participants--someone invited from outside the usual suspects in the name of "collaboration"--mentioned the obvious fact that the meeting had strayed all over the damn map because the topic of the meeting, and of the committee, was just too broad. I wanted to stand up and applaud.

I don't get too specific about where I work, because 1) I'm keeping my online anonymity and 2) I doubt my bosses would like it all that much. So let me use a metaphor.

Say a group of interested theatre professionals got together and decided to form a committee. And say they decided that the committee should be the "Committee on Policy Development for Interactivity in Theatrical Performance." And they had an agenda that included "Interactivity in Improv," "Interactivity in Children's Theatre," "How Set Design Influences Interactivity," "Interactivity: Where Does the Future Lead?" Would you not look at that committee, and that agenda, and say WTF? Because "interactivity" is a means to many different ends and can be executed in many different ways. There is no way to come to a cohesive policy on "interactivity" as a whole. And if I, a bored and disinterested temp, can see this obvious point, then why can't the high-powered people that set up this meeting?

Yes, yes, I know. Distance brings perceptive and the more important you are, the less common sense you have. But it is hella annoying to be up-close and note-taking personal in such a tail-chasing endeavor.

Bad Daughter!

2007-12-13T10:54:00.000-06:00

So I send my mom and lovely birthday card, and I talked to her on her birthday eve, but FOR SHAME! I forgot to call her yesterday, on her actual birthday. I suck.

Also, I'm still waiting waiting WAITING for any word from two of my job interviews. (I turned down an offer for a second interview from the first place, since I decided the job was out of my comfort zone--and safety zone) Today is one week since the important interview. The time frame is reasonable, and as Minnesota said, it would have been weird had I heard anything before. But my impatience knows no bounds.

It's a little bit awkward at the temp job, since they have officially offered me a job permanently. And they gave me roses yesterday and they are buying me a fancy lunch tomorrow. Of course, they bought everyone roses and everyone is getting a fancy lunch, but they made a point to include me even though I'm a temp. I feel like I'm being proposed to by a guy I have no intention of kissing, much less marrying.

Gah! I just want a social work job. And not to be (ridiculously) poor. And the first one would probably take care of the second one. Please universe, please, pretty please with cream and sugar and sprinkles and cherries and hot fudge and butterscotch and caramel and chocolate chips and M&Ms and pecans and whatever else you want on your sundae, universe, just let me get this job!

Shoot, now I want ice cream!